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Hot or cold coffee anyone?

What happens when a “caldo” person meets a

“freddo” one? Is there any hope? 

Any room for compromise?

It’s a fact we place a lot of value on longevity,

intensity, on pleasure! Can we honor all that

though in our relationships, when we come

from different places and spaces, so often

the case when we fall in love in particular?

Why is it so hard to achieve and worse sustain

harmony and joy in group set-ups overall?

We seek coupledom, we want friends,

we dread spending time alone, which

we often reject due to our deep rooted view

that there must be something wrong with us.

However, what we most fail to realise is

that being a part of a couple professional or personal

requires exactly that: playing your part.

You have a role in this partnership which as

every role requires, you need to study your character, 

go deep into it and rehearse over

and over again.

Same as in a play, you must spend

as much time alone in reflection

and preparation, as when interacting

with the other characters.

This is a constant engagement throughout

life that requires commitment and loyalty.

The craft of embodying your character,

according to the various roles you will pick or

be selected for, should be (it becomes whether you

like it or not because life continues to happen without

your consent, inspection or control), your mission.

It becomes your adventure and game.

The art of living first with yourself and

then sharing it with others can be

taunting at times. It can feel impossible and

insufferable too.

As if an actor of your life you settle

for safety, predictability and comfort,

avoiding at all costs challenging yourself

or constantly worrying about

controlling the outcome of your choices,

even worse the feelings and thoughts

of others in a struggle of gaining influence

or power, you will have a very limited

chance to experience real love and intimacy.

True happiness and connection will become

unrealistic, fantasyland dreams.

There will be directors, other actors

so many other technicians associated

with the practicalities who will cross paths

with you, for different chapters, acts,

episodes in your life.

At times it will feel like a circus or carnival.

A party, a tragic poem, a stand-up comedy show..

The list is endless.

The development and enhancement

of our esoteric navigation is a must.

Our action and decision making skills,

equally so, need constant attention.

If we wish abundance and pure joy,

we must attend both to our alone

time and personal growth as much

as our social presence and intimate

relationships. These are separate entities

yet closely interlinked.

*If you always enjoy a hot coffee

even if in mid August,

try once a cold one, the one your

precious plus one or bestie keeps

suggesting!

It’s no big deal to give in once

in a while to please the ones you claim you love..

Who knows you may discover

something you ignore about yourself.

Let’s face it, there’s a lot of talk

about meeting, getting to know

a person and forming a relationship,

yet at the end of the day

it all comes down to our

living experience, our maturity and

individual course, very often the obvious

result of long-term relationships,

marriages, divorces and break-ups alike.

We may stand by each other, ideally so.

We may just stay together or part ways,

a common practice. But in all cases, we walk alone.

*crash test your likes and dislikes

Don’t fight over your preferences

with your friend, perhaps some teasing,

like some milk or cream foam on your

macchiato or a little sarcasm.

A tiny bit, like the cinnamon sprinkles

on your cappuccino.

Treat your give-ins to other people’s

suggestions as gifts for everybody

concerned, including you.

Strategically and in moderation, anything

you do outside your fixed list of wants,

caldo or freddo, 

the more you increase the chance

of creating space for bonding

and appreciation.